Learning

We I have to say that we are never to old to learn about ourselves.  In a conversation with my daughter the other day I learned something extremely important about myself.  I have missed my husband so much since I lost him to death, and have focused only on the fact that Jehovah has promised us that those asleep in death will be resurrected, that I have failed to continue to live my life now.

We had watched the movie Thor and while it is a very good movie I took it even farther, and compared my dear husband to Thor.  I told my granddaughter that he was my Thor and that at this time our rainbow bridge was broken.  I don't remember the exact words my daughter used but I do know that she made me look at myself and realize what I was doing.

In a way I had placed my husband on the same plan as God (Jehovah). While Thor was a mythical god, and not even a real person.  My husband was a real human being and I loved him more than I can say.  But while death does not change the love I had for him while he was alive it does and should change how I love him now that he no longer lives.  Jehovah is the one and only one that will resurrect him there is no rainbow bridge.

As I look back I know that my depression has gotten worse due to my inability to deal effectively with the loss of my soul mate.  But my soul lives on so I need to examine how I need to react in the future.  I look back on first my leaving SD before I should have.  At that time I was running from my grief, and somehow thought I would be better somewhere else.  Even though prior to his death we had discussed that I should move to AZ with my daughter after his death so that I would be closer to family.  We had not set a time frame as to when.  I needed to have stayed where I was for a while to grieve, and then decide what I wanted to do with my life.  Since that time I have not dealt with my grief in appropriate ways and it has become major depression and has I  now believe made my fibro and chronic pain worse.

Since learning this about myself, I have, first ask Jehovah for his forgiveness and secondly thanked my daughter for pointing this out to me.  While I know that I have a long way to go I hope that this will be a new beginning and I will continue to improve.