today

Another pain filled night.  It's almost 3am and here I am hoping my pain pills will start to work.  One day soon and I will have no more pain and will not even be able to call it to mind ever again.  That is the promise that Jehovah has given and I sure look forward to that as well as being able to welcome back my loved ones from deaths sleep.  I know that without this hope and the knowledge that we will be able to live on an earth free of all the badness and ills of the system I could not cope.  Jehovah is such a loving GOD and I am so very glad that I know him and that he knows me.  I will praise him all the days of my life and I hope that my life will be forever.

Well let me see if I can fill in a few more facts that I remember about my Mother.  I know that she must have been bowled over by the fact that my father, an older man, and who they felt was a was hero, which I guess in many ways he was.  Anyway he was also the very first person to come back to Big Spring, Tx driving a brand new car right after WW2, and he picked her.  She was so young and innocent and he was a man of the world and an alcoholic, but she didn't even know what that was.

I don't really know if they fell in love or not.  I believe she thought she did, and he had someone that made him feel more alive and like a man.  If they had know about PTSD at that time maybe he would have gotten treatment and saved a lot of heartache.  I don't know when the beatings started I only know that they did and if she had not have finally left for good he would have killed her.  Anyway they got married and she had my sister the day before she was 16.  Then they moved to Calif.

Once they got away from family in Tx, my father introduced Mother to the world of alcohol, and violence.  He was a very jealous man, and felt that if anyone looked at Mother she was having an affair with them.  I'm not even sure she understood any of this until many years later.

 Anyway I was born in Sacramento, Calif in 1949.  Biggest problem was I was a girl, and next I had blond hair and green eyes.  This was a very big set up for his belief that she was not faithful.  They both had very dark almost black hair.  He had brown eyes, she had green eyes.  They had one girl and he had forgiven her for that but now she had another girl, not good.

Well I need to sign off for now.  See ya.